Instead of Jared's, He Should Have Gone to Tiffany's - Jared Commercials

It chaps my ass to no end to think that the Jared jeweler commercials might be effective in drawing male drones in through its doors, but the truth is that it's probably a slam-dunk. Let's face the Yuletide facts and acknowledge that when it comes to gift giving, men take the shortest route and this is why what is possibly the most demeaning ad to women will win the race. The entire premise is this:

Men Believe That Women Will Deny Them Sex if they Don't Get Some *Bling*.
While it's true that I'm drawn to sparkly and shiny things, the thought of denying myself physical pleasure because I didn't get a pair of earrings is assinine. I don't care how brightly they shine. This argument falls flat, though, in the face of these facts:

Men Hate Malls
Gentlemen, point you to a stand-alone store with a huge sign in simple lettering over the front door and you're Sold. It's a well-known fact that you like "Easy to find"... no directions required. Notice how the last shot of the commercial shows that clearly marked front door?

Women Talk
Here's where Truth-In-Advertising comes in. We women do talk, but worse, we catty little wenches Compare. Once this line in the shifting sand of the "Push" is drawn, the entire premise of this ad campaign is a shoe-in. Gentlemen, your Stones had better be bigger and better than His.

Finally, If he Lack is Found, It's Turned On You
If it's been publicly established that every other woman's guy has a bigger set, you've succeeded in humiliating us both. The question becomes, How can you ever expect me to be satisfied with that inferior thing you offer?

Most of the commercial speaks to men, but to women it offers that the plainest, heaviest, and dowdiest woman is the one whose husband did not shop at the right jewelry store.

See how effective? Plant the seed of inadequacy, water it with a grain of truth, and watch Jared's beanstalk grow.

The irony is that once I get that shiny, sparkly piece in my greedy little hands, I won't care where it came from.

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